We were born with the need to connect. Being heard and understood feeds deeply into our worth as an individual and the belief that we matter. Growing resilient children who have a strong, positive sense of self is nurtured by being present with them, even for a few moments a day.
Life is busy with family expectations, school requirements, work commitments, our children’s needs, and the list continues. Add a pandemic to life and stressors have exponentially increased for many families. There is no doubt life can feel like a merry-go-round, spinning at a pace that makes it hard to get off for a breather. Sometimes we find ourselves trading moments of undivided attention with our children for entertaining distractions to survive the day.
Stressors have also increased for our young people, in particular this year with the many changes that they have faced. Their workload has changed, there have been various losses, and often friendships have more complex dynamics because of their online reality. The digital age brings its own set of challenges, which young people don’t often freely share unless we take the care and time to understand their online experience. When we become attentive to these stressors and needs, and validate our young person’s experience, they engage with life more positively.
In her book, Parenting in the Present Moment, Carla Naumburg highlights the need to tune into our kids for moments in the day, amidst the chaos of life. She encourages parents to pay attention to the present moment with kindness and curiosity. This means we ask questions and we listen without imposing our agenda. We follow their lead in conversation and play. In these moments we aren’t consumed by the worries of the past, and any anxious thoughts for the future, but stay in the moment with our young person. This is not always an easy task because of what life presents to us, but being more aware of this helps us to be more intentional.
Carla Naumburg presents the STAY model which is an acronym for:
In a MyKidsTime article, a website for parents, the author talks about parking our agenda for a few moments each day to be present with our kids. She encourages us to park our story, our strong emotions, our views on what could or should have happened, park our anxiety about a situation, our hope of how our child should respond, our digital distractions, and listen to seek understanding.
The author encourages us to ask, what do I need to park today to be present, even for a few moments? May we all continue to find moments of being present with our young people throughout these holidays, and the last term of 2020. May we also continue to be refuelled by being with those who are present with us.
Mrs Liz Hurlow
School Counsellor
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